20 June//15 weeks to go

Within bleak times I look for the better times, so I look to fifteen to twenty weeks. Saving everthing I can to make it to Japan. I need to give myself something to look forward to. My friends seem to all be leaving me here, so time to go to where I was planning to go in the first place... 日本Japan! Yesterday I started lessons for Japanese 日本ご。I written many people on postcards!! As for now, I will work to get to Japan. When Yasuki went back I realised how much I need to continue to the place where I have been dreaming about for a long time. 6mths ago I started out on a plane to Toronto, now I am finally in Vancouver... soon I will be in Japan. First Tokyo then Miyazaki. What is destiny? Maybe this is it?

It stated with a look

I decided through the most heart wrenching moment to never invest any emotions into anyone, because its just a set-up for pain when you loose them. I am still thinking why am I cursed to be the person who gives her heart to those who dont want nor appreciate it.


Why is it some people are stuck in the past, looking for things//people they will never find again, as it was stuck in the moment. Yet we all know if your stuck in the past you will miss something that could be more than anything you experienced before, looking for someone that is only a memory isn't allowing yourself to be present in the here and now. Why do we chase things //[people] that we cannot have or look for them in someone else that isn't there?

These why's hinder me.

I look into his eyes and see love, but yet it is a guarded heart, but not attainable as he isn't in this moment. He is living in the past. I am living in the here and now, too up-to-date for his mind. So I think I can wait for him, but I feel it is a waisted emotion, so now I guard my heart, and never let anyone in. The moment our lips touched was heaven, never to be touched again.